Are the Rich Racist? When 'Diversity' Affects Them, it Appears So

Primrose Hill's changing attitude

A Shocking Turn in Primrose Hill

In the leafy enclave of Primrose Hill, where manicured lawns and artisanal coffee shops define the landscape, residents are reeling from an unexpected blow: their property values are plummeting. The cause? A conflict of interest. A sudden influx of asylum seekers is being housed in the once-charming Primrose Boutique Hotel, now a makeshift asylum centre. Locals, long known for their vocal support of progressive ideals and big-city multiculturalism, are suddenly having their convictions tested as they begin to question “Is diversity our strength?” The quandary has left them panic-stricken as the six-bedroom villas lose their seven-figure shine.

The transformation of the hotel, once a haven for Instagram influencers and weekend yoga retreats, has sparked outrage among the affluent. “We’ve always championed inclusivity,” huffed Penelope Worthington, a local philanthropist and self-proclaimed ally. “But this is different. It's not the right place or postcode. It's just not suitable!” The Office for National Statistics reports a 12% drop in Primrose Hill’s property prices since the hotel’s new occupants arrived, a statistic that has residents clutching their pearls and onlookers asking, "Are the rich racist?"

Global Elites Nod in Solidarity

Across the pond, international NGOs and globalist think-tanks have expressed sympathy for Primrose Hill’s plight, while subtly endorsing a chaos they are not affected by. “This is a beautiful moment of cultural integration,” beamed UN Migration Advisor Claude DuPont. “Wealthy communities must lead by example in embracing change; we are in this together, including the millionaires!” DuPont’s organisation has offered to fund an “unlearning privilege” workshop, though residents seem less than enthusiastic. One resident called DuPont a "detached billionaire," and exclaimed that this "is nothing but classism!" The internet was very quick to point out the irony, with one user writing, "The rich are now poor!"

The irony isn’t lost on observers. The same NGOs that lecture on open borders from their ivory towers rarely face the consequences of their advocacy. “It’s easy to love migration when your chateau’s value isn’t tanking,” quipped a disgruntled estate agent. The online community joked about the circle of life: "The middle-class gentrified, the rich bulldozed beauty, and now the plutocrats are pulling it down; there is always someone richer!" DuPont, unfazed, suggested that falling property prices are a small price to pay for “global unity,” a sentiment that has unlucky locals conflicted between their ethics and opulence.

Public Outrage: The Hypocrisy Unveiled

The mood in Primrose Hill is one of weary disbelief. Residents who once adorned their Range Rovers with altruistic messages of asylum are now whispering complaints over oat milk lattes. “I supported diversity, but I didn’t think it would happen here,” sheepishly admitted Giles Rutherford, a hedge fund manager who listed his townhouse at a loss. Social media is ablaze with #PrimroseProblems, where working-class citizens mock residents about their declining curb appeal. "Primrose just got a taste of Poverty Ridge!", poked a user who got hit during the first wave.

The backlash has been swift. “These are the same people who called us bigots for worrying about immigration,” fumed Sarah, a former resident, priced out during gentrification. Posts on X reveal a growing sentiment that Primrose Hill’s elite are finally tasting the policies they’ve long preached. “They’re all for ‘inclusivity’, providing their deeds are not being destroyed!” one user snarked. Another quipped, "At least they have deeds, I can barely afford rent in the mess they created!" Primrose Hill's sanctimonious sheen is wearing thin, and the people are sick of it.

Doubling Down: A New Vision for Primrose Hill

Swiss billionaire and friend to DuPont, Cressida Langley, has vowed to lobby hard for leaders to lean into the changes. “We’re rebranding Primrose Hill as a beacon of multiculturalism,” she declared, unveiling plans to convert more boutique hotels into asylum housing. “This is our chance to show the world what compassion looks like. From dinghies to drawing rooms, we're ready to close the gap between millionaires and migrants!" Langley’s proposal also includes a “Diversity Tax" to fund an integration program. John Skint summarised it nicely: "You are rich to poor men, but poor to wealthy. You aren't one of them. Quit your performative empathy before it breaks you."

As estate agents scramble to salvage listings, Langley remains defiant. “If property prices dip, it just means more people can afford to live there,” she chirped at a press conference. Her final tweet of the day read, “Primrose Hill is open to all. Embrace the change, or sell up!” For a suburb once smug about its moral high ground, the fall is proving anything but diverse.

If you spot any tenuous connections, similarities, or parallels to today's political chaos, your imagination is working overtime. We are satirical. Those connections just aren't real. Enjoy the satire.