Government to Install Traffic Lights in Parliament as Policy U-turns Increase

Westminster U-turns ahead

U-turn Epidemic: A New Direction Every Day

In a political landscape where consistency is as rare as a sunny day in London, Prime Minister Keir Komrade has become the master of the U-turn. From his campaign trail to the corridors of No. 10, his policies shift faster than a Formula 1 car at Silverstone. Once a champion of scrapping tuition fees, he’s now backtracked, leaving students wondering if education’s worth the gamble. Then there’s Brexit, his stance has flipped more times than a pancake on Shrove Tuesday, leaving even seasoned pundits dizzy.

The public’s reaction? Utter bewilderment. Voters who once clung to Komrade’s promises now treat them like a dodgy weather app, unreliable at best. “I can’t tell if he’s turning left or swerving right,” grumbled one disgruntled constituent. “It’s like following a sat-nav that’s lost the plot.” Trust is eroding fast, and Komrade’s word is starting to feel as solid as a house of cards in a windstorm.

Traffic Lights: A Necessary Measure?

To curb the chaos, Westminster’s latest brainwave is installing traffic lights in Parliament. What began as a sarcastic quip has morphed into a “serious proposal” to manage Komrade’s policy pile-ups. “With U-turns this frequent, we’re risking a legislative crash,” mused fictional MP Sir Reginald Brake. “Red for stop, green for go, maybe we’ll finally know where we stand.” It’s absurd, yet oddly fitting for a government spinning in circles.

Stranger still, the idea’s got backing from across the Channel. EU policy guru Pierre LeSnooze, sipping espresso in Brussels, nodded sagely. “We’ve seen this before, too many U-turns, and you need traffic control. It’s worked wonders for our bureaucracy.” He’s even offered to send a team to London to install the lights, calling it “a beacon of clarity in a fog of flip-flops.” MPs, meanwhile, are just trying to avoid whiplash.

Public Reaction: From Confusion to Amusement

As Komrade’s U-turns stack up, the public’s gone from baffled to bemused. Social media’s buzzing with #BlarmerSwerve and #UturnOfTheDay, where Britons trade memes of the PM spinning like a top. “I used to care, but now it’s just funny,” said Gemma, a former barista now living off universal credit. “It’s like a sitcom where the script changes weekly.” Some are even betting on his next reversal, tax cuts or NHS funding, anyone?

But beneath the chuckles, exhaustion’s setting in. “I just want something to stick,” sighed Tom, a small business owner. “One day it’s tax relief, the next it’s hikes, I can’t keep up.” The electorate’s patience is fraying, and Komrade’s promises are starting to feel like a cruel game of political whack-a-mole.

Komrade Doubles Down: More U-turns Ahead

Unfazed, Komrade’s leaning into the madness, vowing more U-turns to prove his “flexibility.” At a recent presser, he shrugged off critics with a grin: “If you want predictable, you’ve got the wrong guy, I’m keeping Britain guessing!” Sources say he’s plotting fresh reversals, from green energy pledges to pension reforms, all to show he’s “adaptable.” The Treasury’s groaning, but Komrade’s undeterred.

His parting shot? A cheeky tweet: “If you don’t like my policies, just wait a week!” It’s a line that sums up the absurdity, and leaves disgruntled voters wondering if they should laugh, cry, or start a petition for those traffic lights after all.

If you spot any tenuous connections, similarities, or parallels to today's political chaos, your imagination is working overtime. We are satirical. Those connections just aren't real. Enjoy the satire.