Youth Vote Policy Backfires as Party Mc Party Face Soars in the Polls

Are teenagers responsible voters?

A Bold Gamble Goes Awry

In a move straight out of a political fairy tale, the government lowered the voting age to 16, banking on years of left-wing classroom conditioning to deliver a tidal wave of support for their progressive agenda. "We've been nurturing these kids on a steady diet of social justice and green policies," crowed Education Minister Sarah Woke, practically rubbing her hands with glee at the thought of newly graduated socialists heading to the polls.

The dream shattered faster than a politician’s promise when election night revealed that 16-year-olds had overwhelmingly backed "Party Mc Party Face," a party echoing the "Boaty Mc Boat Face" fiasco a few years prior. "We thought we’d get earnest activists waving placards," sighed a shell-shocked government aide. "Instead, we’ve got a legion of teens who’d rather vote for a meme than our manifesto. The rest voted for the right, it's a complete disaster!"

Unlikely Allies Emerge

In a plot twist worthy of a sitcom, the Traditional Values Coalition (TVC), a bastion of buttoned-up conservatism, threw its weight behind the youth’s chaotic choice. "This is a rebellion against the wokery we’ve long opposed, they see right through the indoctrination, and no-one wants it. The best part, they now get to stick it to you, it's brilliant!" beamed chair Margaret Stern. "Party Mc Party Face proves that these kids aren’t buying what the government is selling. Good for them, and long live common sense!"

The about-face left jaws on the floor, given TVC’s prior rants against giving teens the vote. "I suppose a party named after a boat fiasco is preferable to endless debt, lost liberties, and open borders. Any kid with a basic grasp on personal freedom and preservation gets that we can't keep this up, it's completely unsustainable!" harked conservative pundit Tom Oldschool.

The Public’s Weary Response

The electorate, already battered by endless political missteps, greeted the news with a collective eye-roll. "My taxes are funding this nonsense?" groaned Jane Taxpayer, a shopkeeper barely keeping afloat. "Between rising rates and these school-age shadow-experiments, I’m starting to think Party Mc Party Face might be the sanest option on the ballot! I can see it now, they are going to double-down in schools until they get this right, you watch, they'll spend a fortune trying to brainwash our kids!"

Online, the mood swung between despair and dark comedy. "Let them riot! They've spent years creating an army of petulant teens, and now they can't control them. It's quiet poetic," posted @TaxedOut, alongside a photoshopped image of an acne-riddled 16-year-old storming Parliament. Pubs buzzed with chatter as patrons toasted, "to the kids who finally stuck it to the suits!" albeit with a resigned shake of the head and rightful trepidation for what's to come, with one patron saying, "I hope it remains tongue and cheek and doesn't escalate. The school-age experiments may have inadvertently created an army of right-wing extremists."

Doubling Down on the Absurd

Far from retreating, the government dug in its heels, unveiling plans to recapture the youth vote with even wilder schemes. "We may have misjudged their taste for irony," conceded the out-of-touch, Minister of Manipulation, "Next year, we’re trialling ‘MP Rap Star’, a viral push of cabinet ministers doing dances and rapping policy on TikTok. It’ll be a hit! A sure fire way to recapture some of that lost audience and get our message across!"

Critics howled that rising taxes should trump these taxpayer-funded stunts, but the government was undaunted. "We’re not here to penny-pinch; we’re here to connect," he declared. In a final flourish, he added, "The youth are our future, and we will keep chasing them, whether they vote for us or a party akin to a fast-food hidden-menu item. Now, someone fetch me my microphone, we've got a rap to roll out!"

If you spot any tenuous connections, similarities, or parallels to today's political chaos, your imagination is working overtime. We are satirical. Those connections just aren't real. Enjoy the satire.

How old should the voting age be?

• 14
• 16
• 18
• 20